We’ve all seen them; children whose parents have the ability to tune out while their children are misbehaving.
Honestly, misbehaving is a mild word for kids running through a restaurant, knocking over chairs and bumping into tables, sending plates flying. Yet their parents keep on eating as if nothing is going on. The funny thing is, if you point out their miscreants’ behavior, you’re nasty or hate kids.
And why is it that they’re almost always out in restaurants or in movie theaters when we’re trying to have a nice evening?
Years ago, Matt and I went to a theater and the family behind us had brought all five of their manner-impaired imps. We knew it was going to be a difficult evening right off the bat. I’m guessing that the parents wanted to keep them busy, and to accomplish that goal, bought every candy bar known to human kind. The constant rustle of candy bars being opened made it difficult to hear anything going on in the movie. Unfortunately, the theater was full, so we had little choice but to stay put.
If the goal was to keep them quiet by feeding them, it didn’t work. The kids proved that they were quite accomplished at talking with their mouths full. In record time, we knew that little Scotty needed to go number two and that his sister, Lisa, was a dummy head.
Soon, I’m guessing due to all the sugar in their little systems, their limbs began to flail unchecked. The back of my seat was being kicked with annoying regularity. Of course, when we’d turn around and ask them to please stop kicking, the parents glared at us. The mom made a lame attempt to stop it by saying something trite like “the lady wants you to knock it off,” then turned her attention back to the movie. The children, correctly, knew that she wasn’t going to do anything about it and the kicking began with renewed fervor.
Finally, Matt had had it. He unfolded his 6’2” frame from the seat, stood up and turned around. The children’s eyes turned into saucers at the sight of the large man before them. Matt rumbled that if their feet made contact with the back of our chairs just one more time, he was going to stick them in a most uncomfortable spot.
This sent the mom to the lobby to complain about the mean man who threatened her little angels. The manager came out, and when we asked if he was there to remove the loud family, the surrounding patrons erupted into applause. This annoyed the horrible family, whose much smaller husband got up and made a show of threatening to beat Matt up. At long last, the family was asked to leave. As for us, we were given free tickets to another movie, as we had no idea what had transpired since the beginning of the show.
Oh, and what was the movie these thoughtful parents brought their young children to see? “Children of the Corn.” I’m guessing they wanted to introduce the kids to the rest of the family.
The thing is, people who have problem children rarely know it. Once, I was planning a field trip for a group. I wanted to charter a bus to visit the Baltimore Aquarium, spend time at the harbor, and come home later that evening.
However, Matt and I had gone on a bus trip before, where children were running up and down the aisles while their parents paid no attention, blissfully staring out the window. He insisted that if I wanted him to come along, we set an age limit for the bus ride.
A group of ladies and I met to discuss the upcoming trip at a grocery store café. I dreaded breaking the news of the age limit, because one of the most ill- behaved child’s mothers was there. She remarked that it was a shame that some parents let their kids run around and do whatever they liked. She said, and I quote, “It’s those types of parents that ruin it for people like me.”
That’s when I mentioned to her that her son was in the midst of adding another wing to the fort he’d built out of soda cans while we were chatting.
The thing is, we’re all guilty to one extent or another when it comes to thinking our children are angels. To us, they always will be. No matter how many times we’ve struggled with temper tantrums and argued that the word “share” is actually a verb and not a concept to be debated, we love them and think they’re wonderful.
We’ve taken care of them, comforted them when they had a rough day at school. And when bad dreams invaded their sleep, they’d come bearing their blankies and teddy bears, wanting to sleep in mom and dad’s room. We’ve held them when they cried after a loved one or a pet passed away; trying to explain the finality of death, as we struggle to make sense of it ourselves.
Inevitably, the time comes all too quickly when they know that a thunderstorm is just that and not God and the angels engaged in a bowling tournament.
One of the hardest things for a parent to do is recognize their children’s faults. It’s perfectly natural that we can tune them out. Moms are particularly good at that. But tune them out at your own peril while you’re out with them. After all, you don’t want to be one of those people who can sit at an ice cream store while your child has locked his sister in the dairy case.
The truth of the matter is sometimes, it is your child.
Follow Tamara Kells, The Brunette Lucy, on Facebook and Twitter.
Eric S
12:11 pm on Sunday, June 10, 2012
Thanks for the laughs Tamara! So true are the insights and observations we all have experienced. The longview of such parenting is kids who become adults that don't reasonably comprehend acceptable social behaviors and interactions. My own philosophy in raising my kids (3...and I was a single fulltime dad) is if you can't control them at 3, at 13 they're going to slit your throat while you sleep. I've heard the "reasoning" of "he/she is just a little kid" as if that fact alone was enough to not yet begin teaching a child to behave. Those are the same parents who wonder what went wrong when Little Johnnie is getting expelled or arrested.
But anyway....nice work Tamara. You took a topic of irritation and put a humorous spin on it. It's easier to comtemplate such subjects when it has a smile on it.
Tamara Kells
2:24 pm on Sunday, June 10, 2012
Thank you so much, Eric! I appreciate your kind words. I was raised by a military father, so there was no such thing as talking back. I hope I've struck a balance between rules, kindness, and a whole bunch of humor thrown into the mix. I'm so impressed that you fathered three children alone; that had to have been difficult. Your kids are lucky - Happy Father's Day!
Eric S
7:54 am on Monday, June 11, 2012
No, it wasn't that difficult. With reasonable, yet steadfast, rules and expectations the kids knew the boundries. Topics where always open to discussion....but not argument. And yep, humor is one of the keys. Laugh a lot and life is just a whole lot easier. That and the establishment of who is in charge. It seems to have worked. Two have started their own businesses, and one is beginning her student teaching this fall. This time next year she'll be a teacher. And now there are two more but with them I have a partner. One is adopted, the other a foster. Well, was a foster. She's 21 now but every bit family as anyone else here.
Eric S
7:45 am on Monday, June 11, 2012
My kids probably thought they were in the military. In particular the forced marches. One of our endeavors were tough hikes in rough terrain. But the idea, besides fresh air and good excercise, was to create a feeling of accomplishment. Go where few go, see what few see. Learn what few learn. Learn to find that place inside yourself that let's you get through the rough places and times. Physical bravery young becomes emotional and intellectual bravery later in life.
European American
7:10 pm on Tuesday, June 12, 2012
did you also potty train your kids at gunpoint? kids also need to have fun and be kids. they dont need some uptight "fulltime single" father who regulates everything they do with an iron fist.
Eric S
8:07 pm on Tuesday, June 12, 2012
@Jared....um, yeah, that's exactly what I did. And I beat them regularly just for fun, usually during one of their punishments of starvation rations.
Geez man, get a grip....and some ability to actually think things through. We hiked, camped, kayaked....and yes, we did shoot guns, lots of them in fact. I kept them busy and therefore tired at the end of the day. Brutal? No. Challenging....absolutely. It seems you've choosen to interprete the exact circumstances of their upbringing according to your own fears. What a pity. I wonder if you were once that screaming little brat the article alludes to?
Beth Scarpello
9:42 am on Monday, June 11, 2012
Kudos, Tamara! That is one of my biggest pet peeves! You said it well.
Mike Shortall
10:34 am on Monday, June 11, 2012
As parents with grown children, you know what it's like to have young ones out at restaurants and movies, and you try to be patient and understanding when other kids act up. You understand and accept it, so long as the parents are at least TRYING to deal with the toddler in a way that doesn't exacerbate the situation.
But the irritation factor is multiplied when parents act oblivious, as if they're tired of dealing with own kids and have decided to let the inmates run the asylum because they - the Wardens - can't maintain control.
It almost always comes down to poor parenting habits; and a lot of times that just comes down to NOT KNOWING HOW to deal with their own kids. Just watch a few episodes of Supernanny to see what happens when parents haven't learned the right way to deal with recalcitrant - even threatening - behaviors.
In this case, the parents might want to look at the amount of sugar they're feeding their kids in a misguided effort to keep them quiet. That never works out well for anyone!
earndoggy
12:22 pm on Monday, June 11, 2012
As usual, girlfriend, you have hit the nail on the head! That is one of my pet peeves too! Once, on an airplane, I had a seat kicker behind me. I asked his mom to make him stop and got pretty much the same response Matt got. Finally I unfolded MY five foot frame from my seat, turned around, leaned over in his face and said, "You WILL stop kicking my seat or you will not like what I will do!" Then I turned around and sat down before any interaction with his mother could occur. He stopped! Perhaps the fact that I was snarling and snapping like an angry dog had something to do with it? (j/k) LOL! Outside of Duct Tape's unfortunate habit of goosing people when they aren't looking because she apparently thinks it's funny, my dogs are FAR better behaved then the type of parents and children you have talked about!
Debra Myatt
1:30 pm on Monday, June 11, 2012
Debra Myatt: I so agree with the article and all the comments. Went out to dinner at a fairly nice restaurant last night, which again prompted me to request a federal law that all eating establishments have a "no children under 12" section (or 16) so adults can enjoy a meal without the loud noises and misbehaving. Having raised 2 daughters who were taught to behave in public, I have little patience for the little darlings that don't! Loved the Children of the Corn movie comment in the article, about taking the misbehaving kids to see the rest of the family. Bingo!
Joe Jones
2:41 pm on Monday, June 11, 2012
You should try being a teacher and dealing with large amounts of these students in your classroom. Then perhaps you will not think they are "overpaid". Oh - and try to correct them in your classroom - you will be called into the principal's office and told to stop correcting them. It really is amazing how many parents will say that their child would never do that - even when they have proof it is usually something else.
Tamara Kells
8:09 pm on Monday, June 11, 2012
Oh, Joe, I totally understand what you're saying! We have good friends who are teachers; their stories are (in great part) what made us homeschool our children. In fact, my article "Good Advice" was based upon an episode in school. The days of being nervous when your teacher gave you a cross look (because you knew your parents would stand with the teacher) are long gone. Bless you for doing what you do. And thanks to everyone for taking time to post comments; it means a great deal to me. Writing a "humor" column often leaves me holding my breath. I know one of these days, I'm going to irritate the wrong person!
Kim
8:04 am on Wednesday, June 13, 2012
I'm not sure why so many people assume, like Jared, that in order to have well behaved children, a parent has to be overbearing, rule with an "iron fist" and be all around dictators to their children. I am a divorced mother of a 4 year old son who is extremely well behaved both at home and in public. I get compliments all the time while I am out with him about how well behaved and sweet he is. His father gets these compliments when he is out with him as well. His father and I are FAR from dictators. We simply let him know at a young age what behaviors were acceptable and which ones were not. We were consistent with these expectations since his first trip out to eat. A parent ensuring their child is well behaved hardly means that they dont get to have any fun. My father raised me in a similiar way and I had a TON of fun as a child as does my son. I am not sure why people assume that a child that gets disciplined is forbidden from being a child. Its so bizarre. Children need rules. And they also need fun. A good balance of the two, in my opinion, is ideal.
Eric S
5:44 pm on Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Don't let Jared get to you too much, it's not the first time he's displayed a trollish diatribe, a thoughtless opinion or a poor delivery.
And your correct. Adequate discipline does not equate to overbearing or heavy-handed tactics. It's far better to institute proper behaviors young and maintain those behaviors than later in life force the judical system to apply the discipline. Employers don't want to hear your parents didn't do their job, neighbors won't give a hoot as to why your a miscreant, and strangers aren't going to go out of their way to give you a break for being rude.
As for the "fun factor" of raising kids, it's vital to the rounded social education of kids. It also makes a fine disciplinary tool. Act properly and a good time is at hand, act the fool and win the fool prizes.
Contrary to conventional wisdom kids thrive better with boundries rather than wonton freedom. They're kids, they know subconsciously they don't have a clue, and they need and want guidance....even if they deny it or ignore it. Simply observe the differences between a kid with little or no discipline and those with. Those without tend to be unhappy, lost and angry. Those with tend to be happy, centered and joyful. Gee....I wonder why? Care to give your insights there Jared?
Kim
8:12 am on Thursday, June 14, 2012
Very well said Eric. I agree completely that kids need boundaries and are much more successful adults if they learn boundaries young. I remember people telling me when my son was less than a year old that he was way too young for me to be correcting him or showing him the right way to do things. Granted, at that age, he didnt necessarily comprehend what I was telling him but it laid the foundation for later. Now those very same people ask me all the time how I got my son to be so well behaved at 4 years old. I get asked constantly what I did to make him such a sweet, loveable, well behaved, polite little boy. Start early I say. So Eric (the other successful caring parents here), kudos to you for investing in your children's future early and molding them into successful adults instead of letting them run wild and become those kids/adults we read about in the paper every day. I am sure their teachers and other adults appreciated it!