Would You Buy a Smart Car?

When we first had kids, we drove minivans. It was easier to lug car seats, groceries and new cribs around. But boy, I don’t care who you are, there is just no way to look cool in a white minivan with brown paneling on the side.

One time, when driving my beat-up minivan down the highway, a car came alongside me. The young man driving it was beeping and waving. It’s been a long time since I’ve flirted on the highway, so I was flattered. I smiled, and waved back. He continued to gesture wildly, and I kept smiling. Finally, I held up my left hand and pointed to the wedding ring on my finger. Still, he gestured for me to roll down the passenger side window.

At this point, I was secretly thrilled that he wasn’t giving up. The other part of me worried that if he was this persistent, he was an axe murderer.

Finally, I was concerned that since he was going to such great lengths to get my attention, I decided I’d pacify him and roll my window down. That’s when he hollered, “There’s something dragging from your door!” Then he rolled his window up and sped off.

There went my delusions that I had him smitten with my good looks and my super cool brown paneled minivan.

I pulled over to the side of the road and went around to the passenger door to find that my daughter’s teddy bear was dangling from the door. I should amend that to what was left of my daughter’s teddy bear.

My cool card, such as it was, had been revoked permanently.

So when we got our brand-new, regular car a few years ago, I thought I was in heaven. It’s got all kinds of gadgets in it that I’ll never understand how to use. It even has its own computer. If I couldn’t figure out which button opens the gas tank, I had no shot at figuring out how to use a full-fledged computer. Besides, it’s so advanced that even if I touched it, it would tell on me. Still, it was light years better than a minivan.

However, I’ve been noticing that in the last few years, cars have begun to shrink. Of course they are, I just bought a normal car and ditched the minivan.

That realization came in the parking lot of BJ’s. As I was walking to my normal-sized Pontiac, I saw my first smart car. I panicked because I thought someone would think I’d witnessed a hit and run and should stick around to testify. As I got closer to the car, however, I realized it was that way on purpose.

If you haven’t seen a smart fortwo (literally “for two”) car, they’re basically a front seat on wheels. In fact, they’re so small, they look like they could be housed in one of those 25 cent vending machines that dispense an egg with a prize inside. I could just hear a kid moan, “Oh, man, I got a smart car. I wanted a sticker!”

I understand smart cars in the cities. There’s not much room to park, and the streets are narrow. However, driving one on a highway as an 18 wheeler passed me would make me feel like I’m driving a match box car. I’d worry that I hadn’t wound it up enough. My best friend, Michele, however, thinks they’re cute as can be. She made me promise that if I ever found one in an egg, I’d give it to her. I told her I would, as long as it wasn’t the cute pink and silver coupe I’d seen online.

Then, there’s the Fiat. I don’t know about you, but I somehow doubt that Jennifer Lopez is actually driving one of those around. She may be Jenny from the block, but I’ve seen her arrive at awards shows. Trust me, folks, she’s not in a Fiat. In fact, she’s not even driving herself. The block that she’s been living on has a zip code of 90210.

I guess that if my family were of average size, I wouldn’t be averse to the smaller cars. Unfortunately, we’re a bunch of Amazons. No matter how many times I’ve seen photos of tall people unfolding themselves from the interior of one of these new mini-cars, I’m not convinced. Matt and Boy might be able to contort themselves enough to climb into one, but I’d sell tickets to watch them try to get out.

Still, there are a lot of people who adore them – my friend, Michele, being one of them. And there are a bunch of good reasons to buy one, from being eco-friendly to being powered by electricity. But yet again, since I have kids, I won’t be buying one anytime soon.

On the bright side, the kids are getting older and there may be a day when I can tool around in my very own fortwo pink and silver coupe. Of course, with my luck, minivans will enjoy a huge come back and all the hip people will be driving one.

Like I said, I lost my cool card.