Like many women, my eyelashes are less than perfect. They’re so short, I have to use a magnifying glass to apply mascara, and even then, half of it ends up on my eyelids. Of course, the beauty industry has a solution for everything, or so I’d hoped. I bought mascara after mascara because of their claims to give me long, lush lashes. Commercials promised that their product would lengthen and others would add volume, and still more claimed to do both. Upon closer inspection and in the smallest print possible, you can barely see a disclaimer. Usually, it’s something like “results not typical,” …
It’s almost Valentine’s Day; the day when a half-naked cherub flits and flies about, randomly slinging arrows into people’s hearts. Good thing Valentine’s Day doesn’t fall during hunting season, or someone might shoot back. Women usually look forward to this day, but many men, on the other hand, see it as penance for Super Bowl Sunday. We’ve been inundated with commercials touting this or that product as the perfect gift for the special day. Normally, it’s chocolates, jewelry and flowers. But I’ve also noticed some rather unusual gifts being advertised, things such as giant teddy bears and …
If you are the proud owner of a teen type, then I’m not telling you anything new. Your “cool card” has been irrefutably revoked. In fact, your teens don’t think that there was ever a time in your life when you were cool. I tried telling them that their mom used to sing in a rock band; they all laughed really hard and demanded photographic evidence. Boy asked if it was back when the Rolling Stones were just Drifting Pebbles. Nowhere is your nonexistent grasp on the pulse of all things cool more glaring than when it comes to clothes. Suddenly, I’ve turned into Grandma Moses and my outfits …
Any parent will tell you; once you have kids, the word “privacy” exits your vocabulary with alarming speed. In fact, children are the antidote for privacy, whether they’re toddlers or teens. Once they become teens, you hope that they value privacy, which they do. Theirs. Yours, not so much. And nowhere is your lack of privacy more obvious than when you want to take a nice warm shower. When the kids are little, a mom can take a shower in under a minute. Most parents wait until the kids are taking naps, and then bring the baby monitor into the bathroom with them. Even then, they leave the door…
The parent of any teen type will tell you there are five words your kid will say that strike fear in your heart as surely as the threat of a nuclear war: “I want a driver’s license.” Our first thought is, “Oh, no, I’m going to have to let my kid drive out in public.” Since we’ve been driving for a number of years, we’re well aware of how dumb some drivers can be. Our second thought is, “Oh, no, I’m going to have to let my kid drive out in public.” We’re also aware of how dumb our kids can be. When Boy first brought this subject up, visions of the past few months flashed before my eyes. This …
When we first had kids, we drove minivans. It was easier to lug car seats, groceries and new cribs around. But boy, I don’t care who you are, there is just no way to look cool in a white minivan with brown paneling on the side. One time, when driving my beat-up minivan down the highway, a car came alongside me. The young man driving it was beeping and waving. It’s been a long time since I’ve flirted on the highway, so I was flattered. I smiled, and waved back. He continued to gesture wildly, and I kept smiling. Finally, I held up my left hand and pointed to the wedding ring on my finger. …
It’s been a week since we jubilantly ushered in the brand-new year. Some of us celebrated a little harder than others; you know who you are. Next year, I hope to get an invitation. Now it’s time for the onslaught of new year commercials. Frankly, most of them are weight loss and gym programs and I’m getting annoyed at being told that I need to lose weight. I know that already – you’re hurting my apparently rather large feelings. There are so many products out there that claim to make weight loss as easy as breathing. The fine print tells another story. I wrote about this once before, but just…
Like many people, I watch the ball drop to ring in the new year and make a few resolutions. Sadly, like many of these same folks, I have the problem of almost never keeping them. Unlike many, I’m willing to bet that I could break the land speed record for completely forgetting about them. OK, not exactly forgetting; more like ignoring or killing them from neglect. So, this year I’ve set about making a different set; ones that I have at least a 5 percent shot at keeping. Not only that, but a few that are completely easy; they fall into a new category this year – boosting my self esteem. As a …
I often tease about being crafty; I’m being facetious. Martha Stewart would have a heart attack at my house. The only thing we have in common is cooking. Crafting is for people with patience. I was watching her show the other day, and she was showing off obvious labor intensive homemade Christmas presents. I’m sure if one of my kids had made one of them for me, I’d be thrilled. However, these were produced to be gifted upon your children. All I could think of, though was what 16 year old wants a set of coasters made out of gift wrap? As an adult, I’d think they were adorable. My kids, however…
My husband, Matt, has always loved carrot cake, and as such, that's what I make him for his birthday each year. I should point out that I have never been, nor will I ever claim to be, a baker. Cooking, yes. Baking, not so much. But, when I was a new bride and unaccomplished baker, I was determined to learn how to make that cake. So, I got a recipe, and began my foray into unknown territory. I shredded the carrots, measured the ingredients faithfully, and mixed it all up. The batter, however, was really dry. And since all my previous baking experience had come from a box, it didn't look right…
I’m famous for my grocery store follies; I can’t seem to go shopping without bringing home way more than I’d gone for. More than that, however, is that I keep bringing home the wrong things. I should point out, however, that my eyesight plays a huge part in this ongoing problem. I need reading glasses – badly. I think I have at least 20 pair or more (I get them at the dollar store). The problem is that I can never find them while shopping. I could be searching for them for half an hour and still not find them. Then, when getting in the car, they fall out of my purse and into my lap; it never …
I love the show, “House Hunters” on HGTV. I get a kick out of seeing the insides of homes, getting decorating ideas, etc. But I just watched one that blew me away. There was - and I’m REALLY not kidding here, folks - a telephone in the bathroom, by the toilet. Now, I don’t know about you, but how disturbing would it be if during a conversation, you heard a flushing sound? I guess it would make an undeniable point; eww. It got me thinking, though, about how we live in a (too much) information age. We have to be able to reach out and touch each other, no matter where we are. And, as evidenced …
