What's a Grandparent to do?

Hi Luci,

What do you do when you have two adult daughters living with you and their two children age 3 and 5? Each mom has their own opinion on how to raise the boys and it is very difficult. Any suggestions?

-Kitty

Dear Kitty,

The way you need to look at this situation really depends on your concerns.  Are you upset that you have two adult children living in your house, or do you enjoy having the family together?  There is no rule that says offspring have to move out by a certain age. In fact, it is becoming more common for college students to move back home due to unemployment. However, they do live in your house.  That gives you the right to create rules and set boundaries. 

If you disagree with the way your grandchildren are being raised, that’s a different concern.  There isn’t one perfect way to raise a child. As long as you respect each other’s perspective, and no one is getting hurt, you have to accept the fact that your children are not children anymore.  They are, as you said, adults.  You did your job and you raised them to be fair and just, loving and supportive.  Trust that you did well and allow them to make their own decisions and their own mistakes.

Now, if you have concerns beyond a conflicting belief system, then you might want to look at this from another perspective. Is anyone being physically or emotionally abused?   If so, you need to protect those who can’t protect themselves.  It is not only your right, but your obligation to protect the children in this situation.  However, if everyone is fed, safe and warm, then be grateful.  Not everyone has a loving family that sticks together these days.  You clearly do. 

Best,

Luci

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