What's a Grandparent to do?

A mother questions her role in the parenting style of her children, living with their children under her roof.

Hi Luci,

What do you do when you have two adult daughters living with you and their two children age 3 and 5? Each mom has their own opinion on how to raise the boys and it is very difficult. Any suggestions?


Dear Kitty,

The way you need to look at this situation really depends on your concerns.  Are you upset that you have two adult children living in your house, or do you enjoy having the family together?  There is no rule that says offspring have to move out by a certain age. In fact, it is becoming more common for college students to move back home due to unemployment. However, they do live in your house.  That gives you the right to create rules and set boundaries. 

If you disagree with the way your grandchildren are being raised, that’s a different concern.  There isn’t one perfect way to raise a child. As long as you respect each other’s perspective, and no one is getting hurt, you have to accept the fact that your children are not children anymore.  They are, as you said, adults.  You did your job and you raised them to be fair and just, loving and supportive.  Trust that you did well and allow them to make their own decisions and their own mistakes.

Now, if you have concerns beyond a conflicting belief system, then you might want to look at this from another perspective. Is anyone being physically or emotionally abused?   If so, you need to protect those who can’t protect themselves.  It is not only your right, but your obligation to protect the children in this situation.  However, if everyone is fed, safe and warm, then be grateful.  Not everyone has a loving family that sticks together these days.  You clearly do. 





Have a question you would like to ask Luci? Email her at PatchAskLuci@gmail.com.

ESTHER MARKS February 09, 2011 at 12:37 AM
Congrats Luci, I enjoyed your answer and thought it was very well written. Good luck with your new adventure. ESTHER
Kitty Crosley February 09, 2011 at 01:40 AM
Thanks Luci! Well put and so simple! Our children are adults and we did our job sometimes we need to hear that from another person. I agree they should be allowed to make their own mistakes and their own decisions even under our roof! Your response was much appreciated! Kitty
Julie Friedman February 11, 2011 at 01:47 AM
Hi Luci, This was such a great response to the question Kitti posed. I will take your advice into account one day! Julie


More »
Got a question? Something on your mind? Talk to your community, directly.
Note Article
Just a short thought to get the word out quickly about anything in your neighborhood.
Share something with your neighbors.What's on your mind?What's on your mind?Make an announcement, speak your mind, or sell somethingPost something
See more »